If you believe that opposites attract, it may be time to reconsider. When you think about your friend circle, you might notice a pattern: most of your friends likely share certain traits with you, such as age, gender, work experiences, education, or even ethnicity. Is this mere coincidence, or is something deeper at play? As the saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together,” and there’s truth behind this old proverb. Research shows a strong correlation between attraction and actual or perceived similarity, a tendency known as Similarity Bias (or Similar-to-me Bias).

This bias has evolutionary roots: in early human societies, people lived in tight-knit tribes and relied on their own group for survival. Trust was reserved for those within the tribe, leading to a natural preference for people who seemed familiar or “like us.” Today, Similarity Bias still influences our interactions and relationships, impacting decisions at home and work alike. So, what makes similarity so appealing?

Why We Trust Those Who Are Similar to Us

Similarity increases liking and trust for several reasons, including:

1. Consensual Validation: When we meet people who share our beliefs, it strengthens our confidence in those beliefs. For example, if you’re a fan of Liverpool FC and meet another supporter, it validates your choice and gives you a sense of shared identity.

   
   

2. Cognitive Evaluation: We generally want to feel positive about ourselves. When we meet someone with similarities to us, we tend to view them favorably, assuming they have other positive qualities simply because they share something in common with us.

   
   

3. Increased Likelihood of Being Liked: We tend to assume that people with similar traits will like us, creating a positive feedback loop where we’re more inclined to like and trust them in return.

Interestingly, the similarity doesn’t even need to be real—it can be merely perceived. We often trust people we feel we have things in common with, even if those similarities are superficial or coincidental. This can lead managers, for instance, to hire candidates who remind them of themselves in some way, whether demographically or attitudinally. However, this bias can create issues in the workplace, especially when a new manager takes over and those perceived similarities are no longer present. Similarly, managers may unconsciously favor employees who resemble them during performance evaluations, resulting in skewed appraisals. One effective way to counteract this bias is by including neutral colleagues or panels in hiring and evaluation processes.

Similarity Bias and Workplace Inclusivity

Similarity Bias has implications for team diversity and inclusivity. Even when diverse people are hired, it doesn’t necessarily lead to higher team effectiveness, as people often bond more easily with those they perceive as similar. At team dinners, for example, it’s common to see small subgroups form, with people clustering based on shared characteristics or backgrounds. This tendency can limit the effectiveness of diversity and inclusion programs, as they often overlook the deep-seated nature of Similarity Bias. Building an inclusive team culture requires both leaders and team members to be aware of this bias, actively working to connect with people who may not resemble them in obvious ways.

Insight: A powerful way to build trust is to leverage perceived similarity. Establishing genuine connections can enhance empathy and willingness to collaborate.

Leveraging Similarity Bias to Build Connections

While Similarity Bias can sometimes create barriers, it can also be harnessed to build trust and rapport. For example, finding and emphasizing shared interests—whether in hobbies, favorite movies, or travel destinations—can help foster a sense of connection. This technique is especially useful in networking or team-building situations, where identifying commonalities can make interactions feel more comfortable and positive.

Encouraging team members to talk about themselves in casual settings—like sharing stories about their weekend, favorite food, or holiday spots—can create a perception of similarity. By highlighting these simple, shared connections, team members can foster a sense of unity and trust. Trust, while complex, often grows from small cues that make us feel we’re among people who “get” us on some level.

The Power of Eating the Same Food

Even small gestures, like mirroring someone’s choice of food, can make a difference. Studies have shown that when people see each other eating the same meal, they reach agreements more quickly. Mimicking food choices creates a subtle bond, as food is something we trust enough to consume, and this shared choice can enhance feelings of affinity. Mirroring food preferences, along with other communication techniques like mimicking body language or paraphrasing, can foster trust and create a sense of camaraderie.

While sharing a meal won’t instantly transform a “no” into a “yes,” it can make the negotiation process smoother and reduce the time it takes to find common ground. This tactic, along with highlighting similarities, can be a valuable tool in building rapport and fostering cooperation.

Building a Culture of Connection

While Similarity Bias can naturally lead us to form relationships with those who resemble us, being mindful of this tendency allows us to build broader, more inclusive connections. Leaders can use Similarity Bias strategically by creating opportunities for team members to share aspects of themselves and find common ground. This approach not only fosters trust but also strengthens inclusivity, ultimately leading to more cohesive and collaborative teams.