Why We Hate Feedback (and How to Fix It)

We crave feedback in our personal lives. Our fitness trackers tell us how we're doing, and we obsess over the data. We want our gym trainers to push us and tell us where we can improve. But something strange happens when we step into the office. Suddenly, feedback becomes this scary, negative thing. Why?

Let’s explore the psychology behind our aversion to feedback at work and use a new framework for building a feedback-rich culture, backed by research insights.

The Feedback Paradox

We're often told we learn more from our failures than our successes. Yet, when it comes to workplace feedback, we clam up. We avoid giving it and dread receiving it. This is especially true for negative feedback, even though it's crucial for growth. Research by psychologist Marcial Losada shows that high-performing teams have a significantly higher ratio of positive to negative feedback, but negative feedback is still essential for identifying areas of improvement.

The Ostrich Effect

One reason we avoid feedback is the "Ostrich Effect." Like ostriches burying their heads in the sand, we ignore information that might make us feel bad. We avoid those tough conversations, even though they could help us identify blind spots and improve. This effect is well documented in behavioral economics, with studies showing that people often avoid looking at their financial statements or medical test results when they anticipate bad news.

Barriers to Feedback

Several factors contribute to our feedback phobia:

• Fear of hurting self-image: Nobody likes to be told they're not good enough. This ties into the psychological concept of "ego threat," where feedback can be perceived as a threat to our identity and self-esteem.

  
  

• Strained relationships: Feedback can be emotionally charged and create awkwardness. Research by the Harvard Business Review found that 44% of employees avoid giving any feedback at all to avoid confrontation.

  
  

• Lack of trust: We may not trust the feedback giver's intentions or expertise. Trust is foundational for effective feedback, as highlighted in studies by Patrick Lencioni on team dynamics.

  
  

• Cultural norms: Some organizations simply don't have a culture of open feedback. This can be influenced by national culture as well, with some cultures being more direct than others.

A New Framework: Trust and Leadership

Building a feedback culture requires two key ingredients: trust and leadership.

Trust:

• Empathy: Feedback should come from a place of genuine care and a desire to help. Research shows that empathetic feedback is perceived as more constructive and less threatening.

• Expertise: We're more likely to accept feedback from those we see as knowledgeable. This links to the concept of "credibility" in communication theory.

• Consistency: Feedback should be aligned with overall expectations and values. Consistency builds trust and ensures feedback is perceived as fair.

Leadership:

Leaders must role-model the behaviors they want to see in their teams. If creating a culture of feedback is what leaders want then they need to display this behavior themselves. This means they need to be comfortable being vulnerable.

Building a Feedback-Rich Culture

Here are some practical steps leaders can take:

• Foster psychological safety: Ensure everyone feels safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or retribution. This can be done through open communication, active listening, and celebrating mistakes as learning opportunities.

• Lead by example: Give and receive feedback openly and regularly. Make feedback a normal part of your team's routine.

• Provide training: Equip your team with the skills to give and receive constructive feedback. Focus on techniques like using "I" statements, focusing on behavior rather than personality, and providing specific examples.

• Make feedback a regular practice: Integrate feedback into everyday workflows, not just annual reviews. Encourage peer-to-peer feedback and create opportunities for ongoing feedback conversations.

By addressing the psychological barriers and fostering a culture of trust and openness, we can transform feedback from a dreaded experience into a powerful tool for growth.