Do we have more conversations with people we trust, or do we trust people we frequently converse with? It’s a classic chicken-and-egg question: what comes first, trust or conversations? And if trust is the answer, how do we build it with people we don’t know well? The secret lies in two fundamental principles: self-disclosure and the rule of reciprocity.

Self-disclosure is the act of sharing personal details about ourselves—our thoughts, feelings, memories, and even vulnerabilities. It’s an essential ingredient in forming deep, trusting relationships. The more trusting a relationship becomes, the deeper the level of self-disclosure tends to be. Research shows that self-disclosure, particularly when it’s emotionally genuine rather than purely factual, is a key driver in building connections. Emotional sharing allows people to understand one another, fostering cooperation, empathy, and ultimately, trust.

The Role of Reciprocity in Self-Disclosure

Have you ever felt compelled to share something about yourself after someone discloses a personal story? Maybe it was about their weekend plans or a recent vacation, and you instinctively felt the need to share a similar story from your own life. This reaction is rooted in the rule of reciprocity, a fundamental social norm. Studies suggest that listeners often feel more enjoyment and closeness after hearing someone’s personal disclosure. And when the opportunity to reciprocate arises, these feelings of closeness and trust deepen further.

Insight: Vulnerabilities make us most vulnerable when we pretend they don’t exist.

Leaders and the Fear of Vulnerability

Some leaders, in an effort to appear strong, only reveal those aspects of their personalities they believe will impress others. They may request feedback but only on operational issues or specific tasks, avoiding any discussion about their own behaviors or weaknesses. By showing only one side of themselves, these leaders create a barrier that makes it difficult for team members to connect with or fully trust them. Hiding vulnerabilities in an attempt to appear strong often has the opposite effect, as it creates a perception of inauthenticity.

While sharing vulnerabilities can feel risky, it is one of the most reliable ways to build meaningful, lasting connections. When leaders are genuine and willing to show their imperfections, they’re more likely to be seen as relatable, approachable, and trustworthy. This openness creates a space for authenticity, making it easier for team members to feel connected and aligned with their leaders.

The Power of Authentic Connection

Authenticity and vulnerability are not weaknesses; they are powerful tools for building trust. People are more likely to trust, work hard, and even take risks for those with whom they feel a genuine connection. When leaders and team members alike share their true selves, it fosters a culture of openness and trust, where people feel secure, valued, and motivated to support one another.

In the end, trust is about connection. Building strong relationships requires us to open up, listen, and reciprocate with sincerity. The more we share of ourselves, the more we create space for genuine connection, making trust a natural, lasting outcome.